You Are Grounded from Church!

Yep. That's right. Don't judge.

I grounded my 10-year-old from church last Wednesday night.

I did not have a choice.

He pushed me into the proverbial corner.

He KNEW... it was the one thing I would not withhold from him.

Church was his ace in the hole.

Right? Wrong.

 

I cannot describe the range of emotions. Do you think I really wanted my kid NOT to go to CHURCH for crying out loud? I was about to withhold CHURCH. I also knew parenting rule #101 was that you better not threaten something that you are not willing to actually do.

 

Dr. Phil said, "If your heathen (I mean child) acts up in the grocery store... and you are almost finished shopping... and you can't see over your cart because it's so full... and YOU say the words... "If you ask for one more thing, we are leaving this store."  Don't SAY it... Don't DARE... unless you intend to abandon that cart like a ship lost at sea... do NOT utter those words unless you are prepared to relinquish that treasure to the grocery store clerk with a meek request to please return these items to their shelves." 

 

So I dared. I uttered the words. 

"You are tired. If you do not get your homework finished in the next 5 minutes, you are NOT going to church."

 

 

He was a puddle I tell you.

A liquid pool of tears...frustration...
nerves undone...
excitement over a new campus...
disappointment about his old school closing...

a quivering lagoon of expectations versus reality...
the shaky ground of forging new friendships...

you know... childhood stuff.

Issues that are weighty and real and solid and important to my little human boy.

He left his homework at school.
(On purpose or not was a big juicy part of the oozing puddle on my kitchen table.)

He stalled... cajoled. 

 

Through crocodile tears and a distorted face he cried out,
"I'MMMM NOOOOT TIIIIIIIREEEEED". 
I for one... was not impressed with the drama.
All Moms in the universe are nodding their heads right now. 
They know exactly what THAT means. 
He. Is. Tired.

He is so tired that his eyeballs are in immediate danger of actually rolling out of his head and onto the floor.

 

"Maybe church would be the best place for this child", I thought for a moment. 
But then Jesus... in that sweet gentle voice said to me, "Are you CRAZY?" 
Okay... I probably paraphrased Jesus (a little).

 

I told him (my child... not Jesus).  "There is NOTHING in this world I would want you to do MORE than go to church... but it is just not on option.  It is 6:30 p.m. and you have 2 choices. 1) Finish your homework or 2) Go to bed. 

 

"I'llllll do ANNNYTHING! You don't know how much this means to MMEEE!!!", he wailed.

 

I stood firm and resolute. No.  You are not going to church.

Mom. Of. the. Year.

 

I called husband. 
"I have grounded our son from church.  Please come home and talk to him."

"O...K... I'll be right there", he very wisely responded.

 

He chose bed (my child... not my husband). 
He did not MOVE until we woke him up the next morning.

Yeah... I was totally wrong.  He wasn't tired at all.